Sometimes, God puts you in a place where you have no choice but to stop and rest. Sometimes, you may not understand why it is happening, but you need to trust in God’s purpose anyway. Sometimes, things won’t make sense until you are out the other side.
Having spent the last 6 days in bed, due to an illness which decided to overtake me on the very last day of term, I have had more than enough time to think. I have not, however, been in the best state of mind, and whilst some may have taken the opportunity to seek God’s purpose in this, I have to admit I have been slightly resentful of my position. Having worked hard all term, even completing next term’s programs prior to the holidays with my team, I couldn’t understand why God would allow me to be so sick that I couldn’t even begin to enjoy my holidays.
The question is now I suppose, what has God been trying to teach me through this? While the days have wasted away from one into the next, I have realised how precious time is, and how easily it can be taken for granted. Almost half my holidays has now diminished and I have nothing to show for it. Or do I?
I have had a particular passage crop up numerous times (from various sources) over the last few weeks. I feel now, God was almost forcing me to reflect on it, in order to bring enlightenment and understanding to my situation.
Exodus 33:21-23 (New King James Version) speaks of God’s response to Moses’ request to see His glory:
21 And the Lord said, “Here is a place by Me, and you shall stand on the rock. 22 So it shall be, while My glory passes by, that I will put you in the cleft of the rock, and will cover you with My hand while I pass by. 23 Then I will take away My hand, and you shall see My back; but My face shall not be seen.”
God put Moses in the cleft of the rock and covered him so he would be able to survive His glory. A cleft. A dark, hard place. How many times has God put you in a dark, hard place? Is it in those times that you may have had a glimpse of God’s light and presence? Whilst I may not have had a blinding flash of God’s glory this past week, I did feel the still, small voice of a mighty Saviour reminding me to be thankful, even though I did not feel that way.
Sometimes His glory cannot be seen until He has passed by, despite the fact that he was closest when it was darkest.
My blessings in this dark place? A home, a loving husband to cook me soup, children who have tried their best to look after me, a mum who travelled to care for me (and the kids) so I could rest, a loving cat who hasn’t left my side, birds singing in the trees outside, herbal teas and natural remedies, hot water, prayerful friends, hope… hope that in time, I will grow healthy again.
It’s funny how much light creeps in when you let it.
When I begin to focus on what is outside of the cleft (God), not what is inside of it (me), suddenly everything seems a little bit brighter.